Submitting to His Sovereignty {And a Rosh Hashanah Craft}

I had a miscarriage about 5 weeks ago. We’d been hoping to have another baby for a while now so we were ecstatic to find out we were expecting. But a few short days after seeing that positive pregnancy test, I started bleeding. It happened the day before our 5 year wedding anniversary. It was not spent the way we had hoped. But we promised it in our wedding vows; to love, honor and cherish in the good times and the bad. Our anniversary and those words we exchanged took on new meaning as we experienced our first tragedy as a couple.

As soon as it happened I wanted as much distance from that day as possible. The passage of time is healing those wounds but there is still a struggle. A struggle to let go of the pain. The struggle to just let go of it all. I got mad at God when it happened. I asked Him to protect the baby. I pleaded with Him to stop the bleeding. I prayed and prayer and prayed. But nothing happened. The bleeding eventually stopped but there was no healing. Nothing remained by a bruised and battered faith. 

I walked away from God. Not visibly but spiritually. I still looked the part, trying to keep up appearances but I was still hurting and doubting and wondering how such an awful thing could happen. My husband and I have been experiencing what St. John of the Cross described as a “dark night of the soul”. Our family bible study stopped. There was just nothing left in us. My anger turned to indifference.

As stated before, I was still going to church but just so everything seemed normal but Jeremy had stopped going. One particular Sunday, something happened. It was communion Sunday, and as they passed the bread and grape juice around, I let it pass by me. I could not in good conscience partake of the communion in the state I was in. As I sat in silence while the rest of the service continued, I wept. I hated being in this place. Something had to change. 

Jeremy and I had many long talks, trying to work through all of this mess. Our family bible study was reinstated this past week. It felt so good to come together to read God’s word. I may not know why everything happens, but I know without Him, I am lost. 

Today happens to be the Jewish holiday, Rosh Hashanah. It is the Jewish new years, a day to commemorate our dependence upon God as our Creator and Sustainer. The central observance of Rosh Hashanah is the sounding of the shofar, the ram’s horn, which also represents the trumpet blast of a people’s coronation of their king. The cry of the shofar is also a call to repentance, for Rosh Hashanah is also the anniversary of man’s first sin, and serves as the first of the “Ten Days of Repentance” which culminate in Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement.

As I’ve gone through the last few months and reflect back, I’ve come to realize that nothing is guaranteed in this life. We are always living our lives not knowing what is next. When we plan for something to be a certain way, even when we take steps to make it so, things could still not end up the way we had wanted. I don’t understand why God allowed such a tragic thing to happen to us (or to anyone for that matter), but I do know that He is sovereign and that like our first parents, Adam and Eve, who sinned in the Garden of Eden, God had a plan even from the beginning about how to redeem it all in the end. I may not understand it all, but I trust it. I trust Him. And I know He will help me move past this, in faith. 

{ Rosh Hashanah Craft }

We may not be Jewish but I believe that as the bible states, we have been grafted in to the olive tree, and their holy days are as much a part of our heritage as believers in the Messiah, and as such, our family observes them with Christ at the focus of all of them as He is the fulfillment of the promises. That being said, in honor of Rosh Hashanah, Hannah and I had a simple lesson, I read the story of Adam and Eve and we made some stamps out of apples and did some apple printing. Celebrating today was a wonderful reminder of God's sovereignty and how He always has a plan to save His people even from great tragedy.

Seeing the Silver Lining {A Praise Report}

A month or so ago, I wrote about the growing pains associated with raising a toddler and yes, the struggle is still there, but God has enabled me to grow in this area of my life. He has enabled me to love her and be patient with her. He has given me new eyes and a new heart in the situation.

As I am writing this my little one is throwing a tantrum in her room. This time it was because I looked at her and smiled. : / Being a first time parent, all these things are new to me. At first when she'd throw tantrums I would get frustrated with her and then at myself for getting so mad. Now I can't help but giggle when she throws a fit because she is being so silly. Kicking and screaming for no reason at all.

She is learning and growing and trying to establish herself as a person. She is testing her boundaries and seeing how much control she has in her surroundings. I get that and understand the struggle. I feel the same way in my own life sometimes.

God uses these every day moments to teach unconditional love. Even when Hannah is shoving me away and crying about me not letting her watch Elmo for the umpteenth time, I sit and extend my arms open for her. I wait patiently for my girl to come to her senses and embrace me back. It doesn't happen now because she may still be mad but I will continue to love her and wait for her. Parenthood is a beautiful picture of how the Father deals with us. What a blessing to be able to partake in this journey with the sweet family God has given me to love and teach and also to learn from.

I guess the point of this post is to tell you mamas to hang in there. You're going to have good days and you're going to have bad days. But when you lean on Christ to see you through the challenges, He will be right by your side. I've seen in my life and if you trust in Him, be assured you'll see it in yours too!

                                   Now for a few pics of Hannah's best meltdowns ;)

Happy (or sad) Memorial Day 2013

Apparently she didn't want to play in the barn :(

Hannah hating her drindl

{Our Top Ten}

This last year has been a doozy! Amazing things have happened to us and we feel so blessed. Here are our top ten highlights of 2011:

1. I read through the entire bible, cover to cover. It is my first time reading it all the way through as opposed to the select chapters I had before. It was amazing to get it finished up and I can't wait to read it again next year. It has really helped me to understand the Lord more and appreciate His majesty.

2. Jeremy had 19 articles published through American Thinker and he was also given his own editor to work with. It is so wonderful to see my man grow in his craft and continue to write amazing articles that point his audience to God's truths. Here's to more articles and opportunities in the coming year!

3. We found our new apartment- it was in the same city, but the rent is less and the place is nicer. Win-Win! It's amazing the little miracles God places in our path and how we found this place after searching for months and not finding anything as nice or that fit our price range. We definitely found our home sweet home.

4. This year has been rather interesting when it comes to my job. At the beginning of the year I was working with one company that soon merged with another company. The companies decided to split halfway through the year but I ended up staying at the later company. Then I received a promotion. Another miracle that God allowed to be placed in our lives. He is ever faithful!

5. In August we celebrated 2 years of marriage and 5 years together. My how the time flies. It's funny to reminisce on how we first met (Myspace- I know totally sketch huh?!) who we were as individuals back then and how God has changed us and redeemed our relationship. It is a true testament to His power and I praise Him every day for His blessings in our lives and marriage.

6. We're debt freeeeeeeeeeeeeee!! That was our Dave Ramsey freedom yell :) It took us a little over 3 years to get out of more than $40,000 of debt. Just like Dave always says, "You live like no one else so later you can live like no one else." We slowly but surely got our debt snowball going and finished it off this year when we paid off my car. We are no longer a slave to the lender!

7. Another year of AWANA started this year. It is like any other year except at a recent lesson I taught I was delighted to find out the girls were actually learning. I mean, you never know how much information the kids are retaining when they are all hyped up for the many activities in AWANA. I am getting through to them and it is a blessing to know that I am helping grow those little girls into followers of Christ.

8. 2011 brought some new friends into our lives (Liz from holy yoga and Michael and Deirdre from church). We are enjoying the many people God has placed into our lives - the new and old friends who bring such joy to our lives.

9. Each and every year my prayer is that I grow closer to Christ and this year I have definitely felt the sense of that. I have come to really trust Him, with everything. Sometimes I tend to worry about things, i.e. work, money, family, etc... but recently I just said "God, it's yours. Here are my worries. I am leaving them with you and trusting you to help me through." It is a wonderful thing to surrender all to Him!

10. And finally- one highlight of this year is what is to come. We know 2012 has lots of surprises in store and we fully trust God to see us through.

Happy New Years dear readers, though you may be few. May God richly bless you and your family in the coming year!

I don't have to be...

... strong enough. I LOVE this song. Lord knows I am not strong enough on my own. I need Him each and every day and I am so blessed to have that relationship. He is my rock and my fortress.



“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." -Jesus (in Matthew 11:28)

A Few Words

My muscles are sore and my heart has been challenged. Both happened while attending a christian wellness workshop this last weekend. We learned from truly anointed women gifted in the word, we feasted on His goodness and we worked our booties off too. Boy was God present in that church gym. It was a very powerful weekend to say the least. Besides working on some tighter glutes :) I also received a few words from the Lord while there.

Our Full Attention

I'm sure most people are well acquainted with the story Jesus tells about the narrow way. At the workshop they shared the verse in the traditional King James version along with The Message. Listen to how the message breaks it down:

"Don't look for shortcuts to God. The market is flooded with surefire, easygoing formulas for a successful life that can be practiced in your spare time. Don't fall for that stuff, even though crowds of people do. The way to life—to God!—is vigorous and requires total attention."

What a picture, huh!? Our teacher made it even more vivid when she described the narrow way as not just a separate path alongside the broad road but she described the broad way as a rushing river. When we accepted Christ in our lives, we stopped following the crowds that were rushing down and turned around. Just standing and facing the rapid river you are going to encounter some serious resistance and crashing water but expect even more when you take that path back up the river.

He deserves our total attention, not some quick and easy worship time. He should be getting it all. All our time, all our attention and all our praise. In everything we do it should be done for His glory; working out, walking the dog, cooking dinner and even doing laundry. The way to life is vigorous and requires total attention...

Our Hearts Desire

"Delight yourself in the LORD, And He shall give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD, Trust also in Him, And He will act." -Psalm 37:4-5

I don't know how to start this other than to say that I have had some desires, even God honoring ones, that have become idols in my life. The human heart is a factory that produces all kinds of idols. An idol is basically something that replaces God as the ultimate desire of our hearts. Like I mentioned before, although some of our hearts desires may be good and wonderful things, when they become the main focus of our lives or our ultimate source of joy, they have gone on the fast track to becoming those pesky little things God commanded us to stay away from.

“There is a God-shaped hole in the heart of every person, and it can never be filled by any created thing. It can only be filled by God, made known through Jesus Christ.” -Blaise Pascal

Alisa Keeton from Revelation Wellness shared with us that even though many of our desires are good and may have even come from God, that we need to remember that the focus should still be Him. He is the one who is able to honor those desires or give us entirely new ones. When we realize that and rely on Him and not the event or thing we have our hearts set on, our lives will be complete. Trust in Him and He will act...

It was an amazing weekend spent with some inspiring sisters in Christ. The muscle pain will go away but His word will abide forever!

When I feel overwhelmed

When I was young I always thought there would be a time in my life when I would be set and life would be easy. Don't we all wish that were true? Well, I have grown up and come to realize that life never really gets easy. We live our lives and complete our various daily tasks. Along the way we experience God's blessings but ultimately the struggles still come and the heartache, too, will inevitably rear it's ugly head.

I recently had to come to grips with this idea that life is tough. Jesus told us this some 2000+ years ago. So many times in the bible, He told us not to be afraid because He had out back.

"These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world." -John 16:33

What we must remember is that even though we will experience hardship in this life, He is there for us and He said "He will never leave us nor forsake us". What a wonderful truth we can rely on in those difficult moments of life. He is here. I am experiencing His peace because I know that He is always with me in the storms of my life!

Perfect Timing

All things happen in God's perfect timing. Loving the time in my life that God has given me! Feeling so blessed!!

The Power of Love

I have to admit that the last few weeks have been rough. I've been in a real stinky mood, with just about everything. I just wanted to be mad. Whether it was work or friends, church activities or planning dinner, I was not happy with it. I guess you could have called me a real debbie downer. I would "try" to commune with God and get back in fellowship with Him but for some reason my efforts weren't working (hmm, I wonder why!?). What I didn't see was that while I was busy being a grump, God was sitting there patiently waiting for me to come around and see how ridiculous I'd been acting. My Father-in-law put it best when he described us in our rebellion as a child trying to wring and twist away from his parents grasp, but all the while God continues to hold our hand, no matter how much we squirm.

It wasn't until this past weekend that I finally came around and 'saw the light', so to speak. I had promised some of the high school girls from AWANA that I would be a community judge at their home school debate club semi-finals tournament. While conducting my judging duties, 5 high school age young ladies each shared their own original illustrated oratory about a topic of their choice. Some of the topics included intelligent design, world hunger and the sanctity of life. And I'll tell you what, these girls, although in totally different stages in life, taught me a lesson or two on being appreciative of my blessings and this moment in time that I've been given. For those of us who live in the United States, we have been blessed with so much abundance and we don't even see it. We've been gifted with an education, our jobs and even shoes! There is so much to be thankful for and I had been missing it. I overlooked the blessings because of my own pride and selfishness.

When I got home from the debates, I was in the kitchen working on dinner when Jeremy came home. I shared with him my experience at the tournament. He told me that he had been praying for me and also asked my Mother-in-law to pray too. It just warmed my heart to think that even in my terrible funk, even when I was not very fun to be around, and when I couldn't even stand myself, my loved ones still stood by and prayed for me.

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." -Romans 8:38-39

And like my family sticking by me, I know God is there, even in my hard times and in my stupid times. He's there through it all. That part in the verse that says 'the present nor the future', that means even when I sin, now and any future sins. Christ has already paid the price once and for all and because I have accepted Him as my personal Lord and Savior, He will continue to hold my hand through these ups and downs in my walk with Him. Praise God He never lets go!

God in our Goals

At the beginning of each new year I write a list of goals and various things I'd like to accomplish in the coming year. Jeremy and I went over each of ours last night and it was fun to talk about the future and speculate what will happen. But the truth is, we don't know what will happen in this coming year, but in the words of Daniel, 'However, there is a God in heaven who reveals mysteries... (and) what will happen in days to come'

We are reassured that even if the goals we set out to accomplish don't happen, whether from set backs in life or something else, God has plans for us. He is always with us every step of the way, in every day of this new year. What we must do is trust Him and His sovereign plans for our lives.

'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.' - Jeremiah 29:11

As we enter this new year, my goal first and foremost for my life is that I trust Him each and every day that He gives me in 2011!

My Helper

Through whatever I am going through, I am comforted to know that God is always there for me. He is my Helper and my Keeper. In times of joy and distress. What an awesome God we serve. Although He knows we will struggle and screw up all throughout our lives, His love and His grace cover us.


God has, no doubt, been faithful in my life. I am no stranger to trouble or struggle but He has been there to catch me and help me get going again. Praise be to Him who is faithful and whose mercies are new each morning!

Journey

Proverbs 4:18-27

"The path of the righteous is like the first gleam of dawn, shining ever brighter till the full light of day. But the way of the wicked is like deep darkness; they do not know what makes them stumble.
My son, pay attention to what I say; listen closely to my words. Do not let them out of your sight, keep them within your heart; for they are life to those who find them and health to a man's whole body. Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. Put away perversity from your mouth; keep corrupt talk far from your lips. Let your eyes look straight ahead, fix your gaze directly before you. Make level paths for your feet and take only ways that are firm. Do not swerve to the right or the left; keep your foot from evil."

God is taking me on a journey. These last few months have been trying and God is working in me to turn me into the person He wants me to be.

When I first recognized the testing in my life, I became very impatient and wanted God to deliver me from it RIGHT THEN. What I failed to realize until now is that God works outside of time and is therefore not limited to our time table, when we think something should happen. I was doing some reading last night and was reminded that often times in scripture, God had His children wait on Him not just a few hours or days, but often times many years. The first story I thought about was when Jacob had to wait 7 years to marry His beloved Leah. Or the 40 year journey it took for the children of Israel to finally make it into the Promised Land.

"We must learn to move according to the timetable of the Timeless One, and be at peace." -Elisabeth Elliot

Ultimately I think the journey God is taking me on is one of trust. I think God wants me to trust in Him through everything, which is not as easy as it sounds. God is calling me to act. He wants me to do His work, to use what is in my hands, my life, for His glory. God is calling me to love. There is some bitterness and hatred in my heart that needs to be dealt with.

I am so thankful that God is so patient with me. I feel like a big screw up most of the time, but knowing He has provided the way for me and provided me with His strength, I am confident I will make it with Him and Him alone!

I'm sure we are all well aware of the story of the foot prints in the sand, and boy is it so true. The times when we only see one set of footprints, during the times when it was so hard and we felt so alone, Christ was there carrying us. We can trust in Him and His word. We can trust in Him and His comfort. We can trust Christ to be with us during the most trying times in our life, because He promised it."I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." -Philippians 4:13 As the proverb above says, "Let your eyes look straight ahead, fix your gaze directly before you." Set your eyes on Christ and He will be with you!

The Lord Leads

If you haven't yet been introduced to Wordle, I highly recommend spending some time there. It is a program that creates what they call word clouds and what beauty they are when you put God's Word into it.

Without getting into too much detail on here, these last few weeks have been very trying. It has been hard to trust in the Lord to get me through, but as usual, He remains faithful even when I do not. Praise God for His mercy and enduring love. Praise Him for His patience with me.

Tonight at bible study, we discussed the various situations in our lives and the answer to all our problems was to rely on the Lord. That won't necessarily make all our problems go away but it will give us the comfort and the boldness to go forward in confidence.

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." -John 16:33

One of my favorite verses in the bible is in Psalm 23. Oh the words of David are so beautiful and boy can I relate to them! I created this wordle to print and post to remind myself of His love and comfort and wouldn't you know it, the two most prominent words in those verses is 'Lord Leads'. My prayer is that I always have a humble, teachable heart that can be lead by Him because it is only through Him that I will be able to truly get past my troubles victoriously!

Prayer

"The LORD is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in Him" Nahum 1:7

Lord, help me to put my trust in You and You alone. This world is pulling at me. I am pulling at me. Help me Lord, help me to make You my first priority. I want to remain firmly grounded as I overcome the daily obstacles as I go through life. Help me to learn the valuable lessons along the way as I press on toward the goal for which You have called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

It don't feel good right now, but I have to realize it's necessary. You're trying to build me up. You're taking away everything that's not like you, Jesus. It's that breaking process. Your delay is not a denial, I realize. You love me too much to give me too much, Jesus. Your plan is perfect even when I'm not. I can't rely on my own strength this time.

I pray that you will grow me and help me put ALL my trust in you. I love you, Lord. Help me love you more. Amen.

The Lord is my Shepherd

In recent days I have been reflecting on just how awesome God really is. How could He be so kind and merciful and loving to a wretch like me? Or any of us? These two verses stood out to me. Read them and tell me you don't get an overwhelming love and adoration for the One who loves us and shows such great mercy to us.

"We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way; and the LORD has laid on Him the iniquity of us all." -Psalm 53:6

"But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." -Romans 5:8

While reading the bible, you see this elaborate love story unfolding. All throughout the old testament, it speaks of a coming Savior and deliverer for the Lord's people. And of course in the new testament you see that it was Jesus Christ the prophets of old talked about. It is a beautiful picture of the Lord Jesus and His life and sacrifice He made for us.



From the beginning, God in His infinite wisdom had a plan to rescue us, even before we fell and needed a Savior. In His infinite love for us, He emptied Himself and became human, "he humbled himself and became obedient to death— even death on a cross!"

To think that the Lord of the universe came to earth, was born to be with us and to teach us. He saw us and still loves us even though we are awful ugly sinners. What an amazing love!

I love the old hymn "How Deep the Father's love for us";

I will not boast in anything
No gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ
His death and resurrection
Why should I gain from His reward
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." -Isaiah 55:8-9

All along, God had/has a plan. I can imagine the people in Noah's day thinking he was a schmuck for building the ark and collecting the animals. And I bet the people in Jericho had a huge laugh seeing Joshua and the Children of Israel walking around their city. God's ways are not our ways and we will not always understand why He does things the way He does, but with Him as my Shepherd I will trust Him where He guides me. I will trust in His plan laid out before the creation of the world.

For Such a Time as This

My heart is full. Not only has Jesus saved me, comforted me & provided for me with my earthly blessings, but He is present in my life every day! He talks to me daily through His word. It's actually pretty amazing how loudly He speaks to me. I get it Lord, I'm listening!

The last few months, His voice has come from the bible study I am participating in with the women at my church, Esther: It's tough being a woman. I can't tell you how deeply I've been moved and inspired. I guess I'm not surprised, it is God's Word after all! What a blessing Beth Moore is. What a blessing to have a sister like her come beside us to guide us in God's unfailing and amazing Word.

We have almost completed the study and my heart longs for it to continue a little bit longer. The book of Esther gives us an interesting glimpse into the providence on God. God is not mentioned once in the whole book, but He is most certainly on it. He is there when it doesn't seem like He is. According to Merrill Webster's definition of providence, 'God conceived as the power sustaining and guiding human destiny.' Holman Illustrated Bible Dictionary adds, 'In so doing (in His providence) God attends not only to apparently momentous events and people but also to those that seem both mundane and trivial. Indeed, so all encompassing is God's attention to events within creation that nothing happens by chance.'

While the events of Esther's life were coming to a point, she has some decisions to make. Would she stand up for what she believed in (in her case, saving the Jews), or would she just let life pass on by without her. Esther has a choice, she had to face her fears. She had to trust in the Lord to move forward in her life and face the obstacles and trials in her life. We may not have a trial the size of Esther's, but every day is a challenge. Satan wants us to become complacent, backslide, etc.. He wants us to conform to the things of this world. That is why we must remain aware of our situations. Daily take up your cross and follow Jesus.

The sub-title of the bible study is 'It's Tough Being a Woman' and boy can I relate to that! What I've learned through this journey is that yes, sometimes it IS tough being a woman but, trust reverses the detours of adversity into highways of destiny.

"The Lord knows how to rescue the godly from trials and to keep the unrighteous under punishment until the day of judgment." 2 Peter 2:9

What an awesome God we serve and how exciting to learn more about Him and His loving plan!

Testing and Truth- Building Strong Believers

"Remember how the LORD your God led you all the way in the desert these forty years, to humble you and to test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commands. He humbled you, causing you to hunger and then feeding you with manna, which neither you nor your fathers had known, to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the LORD. Your clothes did not wear out and your feet did not swell during these forty years. Know then in your heart that as a man disciplines his son, so the LORD your God disciplines you." Deuteronomy 8:2-4

I've been going through some testing of my own this last week. And through it all I have tried to cling to the rock of truth. The same truth that sets you free. In the midst of my emotions that often lead to wrong thoughts, I return to His truth. Faith is not built upon emotion, but upon the reality of the One who made the world and all that is in it; the One who created us and spoke to us; the One who really did come to this earth, lived among us, died for us, and rose again. No, our faith is built upon the reality of God and His truth claims. "Jesus answered, 'You are right in saying I am a king. In fact, for this reason I was born, and for this I came into the world, to testify to the truth. Everyone on the side of truth listens to me." John 18:37

Truth is not a feeling. Truth is not an idea. The truth is found in the Bible. Praise God for the tests in my life; may I learn to love and lean on you more!

Trust